January 20, 2015

gossip, shit disturbing and blowing the lid off the pot that gets stirred

I’ve been noticing just to what extent we use other people’s errs and stories as a means of self-medicating; a way to numb and deflect the realities of our own flawed human nature in an (often subconscious) attempt to draw attention to someone else’s.

We all have vices; coping mechanisms that we become addicted to. Some people drink, some overeat, others gamble, and some people chose to talk shit in excessive amounts as their poison of choice.

As I try to make sense of all the ways I’ve ever tried to numb out and feel better, I’m realizing that criticism and gossip is the coping mechanism used by those who in some way operate from a place of fear, helplessness and victim-hood, much like any other addiction. 

In my personal experience with criticism and gossip, the payoffs were:

1. It allowed me to stop associating my negative feelings with all my own crap and temporarily attached my negative feelings to someone else's crap. There is a temporary, albeit very real relief that happens. 

(It's a cleverly disguised blame game. Essentially, it's a behavior that passes the buck in the most passive aggressive way possible.)

2. I got to self-soothe while finding sanctuary behind the legs of our social acceptance for judgement and criticism. 

3. It doesn't disrupt denial which makes it an ideal coping mechanism. 

If there is someone in your life whose constant criticism of others is starting to wear on you, know this, it’s a desperate call for love.

Nothing more, nothing less.

If you’re tired of the drama, don’t engage in it. Criticism requires an audience; without it, it’s simply one person marinating in their own personal ridicule under the guises of drawing attention to another persons shortcomings.

Every time you hear them talking poorly about another person, try to hear whispers underneath what they’re really saying. If you listen closely, the message is almost always 

“I am scared of my own vulnerability... 

                                                             ...and have no idea how to keep myself safe” 

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