January 01, 2015

twenty-fifteen — the blank canvas

It’s 6:30 am New Year’s Day, I’m up and I feel energized.

The house is quiet. The babies are asleep, hubs included and the Ole Pup’s snoring at my feet—I feel peaceful.

I didn’t quite make it to midnight last night. New Year’s Ever 2014 marks the first year since I was a small child that I didn’t wait around for the countdown. I also didn’t riddle off a bunch of hefty resolutions than I won’t keep only to end 2015 feeling remorseful for not attaining what I promised myself I would.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or maybe I’m becoming a tad insubordinate. Both are a possibility, but I was tired of feeling like I was broken and in constant need of repairs and upgrades—some problem that constantly needed resolving. Maybe I decided that just because I had problems didn’t mean that I was one—maybe I decided that just because I make mistakes, doesn’t make me a mistake—maybe I was just tired of living my life dangling a new year’s resolution list over my own head like a carrot. Maybe I’m just not good with resolutions.

I would hold my happiness hostage as the reward I would receive upon attaining a goal. That’s ass backwards. Do we not deserve to be happy every single day that we’re still working towards our attainment?

If you’ve ever heard of Danielle Laporte, you’ll know that her work is largely based on Core Desired Feelings.

She made a solid point in her book, the Desire map—that we create our goals, not because of the goal itself but because of how we believe attaining said goal will make us feel. We’re chasing feelings—feelings we desire to experience everyday—core desired feelings vary person to person and it’s up to us to decide how it is we want to feel in any given moment and then subsequently making choices that will make it happen.

I’m giving it a shot. See, I knew that I wanted to greet the New Year feeling energized yet peaceful, ready and clear. So instead of staying up late to party-hardy last night, I went to bed earlier than most toddlers do. I woke up before the sun this morning. As a result, I feel energized, peaceful, ready and clear.

Jen 1
Resolutions 0

I’ve made a promise to myself. I’m going to decide how I wish to feel in any given moment—every day, every week and every month this year.

Small choices that will evoke my desired feelings…If I want to feel successful, I’m going to make my choices based on attaining that feeling, right now, not in 3 months. If I want to feel affluent, I’m going to do something that will douse me in feelings of affluence. If I want to feel happy, I’m going to engage in something that makes me feel happy.

Feelings are flighty, the come and go—they’re forever changing. This morning I wanted to feel energized and peaceful but that might change. I’m going to have to narrow my Core Desired Feelings down to a few that will be responsible for how I end up living my year. So far I have 12 so I'll leave it as that for now. 


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